R = (S*C)/2
R = Number representing how real someone is.
S= Shoe Size
C = Number of Years a person went to Catholic School.
So since I went to 5 years of Catholic School (preschool counts) and have a size eleven shoe, I would be (5*11)/2 or 27.5. You may wonder about this equation, because it doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Especially since someone like Kimya who has never gone to Catholic school would have a score of 0, making her unreal.
Well there's an explanation: Shotgun Mike went to Catholic school from K-12 grade, and is now attending Catholic college. He also has a shoe around 10 or 11, so not a lot of people have drastically larger shoe sizes. In other words, Shotgun Mike created an equation based his equation on the premise of making himself the most real person.
What does this have to do with same sex marriage? Well arguments based on laws,(e.g. Equal Protection) as well as arguments based on history, (the laws against interracial marriage, buying your neighbors daughter for five goats used to be "traditional marriage"), as well as arguments based on how morality should be secular-based, not based a certain number of people's religious beliefs have all failed to fix the problem of intolerance and Prop 8 is still taking away people's rights.
Well I'm gonna do something crazy, and try to argue using logic. I know how crazy that sounds, but I think there are people who consider themselves intelligent who get swept up in the religious arguments, which should be completely negligible. But here it goes...
Shotgun Mike's equation is a classic example of top-down justification. This means he decided on something (that he was the most real person) and then after he had decided it to be truth, he created a system to justify it (the equation).
Let's look at the website for the National Organization for Marriage, I know, I know, I don't really want to look at it either.
http://www.nationformarriage.org/site/c.omL2KeN0LzH/b.4475595/k.566A/Marriage_Talking_Points.htm
These are the "Marriage Talking Points", or "Ways to Defend Your Ideals Because There Are So Many Holes In Your Agenda". Now look through them and look how many times they bring up this point.
"Marriage is between a husband and wife...Marriage as the union of husband and wife isn’t new; it’s not taking away anyone’s rights. It’s common sense... Marriage is about bringing two sexes together... Love is a great thing. But marriage isn’t just any kind of love; it’s the special love of husband and wife for each other and their children...."
It goes on and on. The point is, this is classic top-down justification. First they decide that marriage is exclusively, and can only be, between a man and a woman,(in almost all cases, because their bible says so) and THEN they try to find ways of justifying it.
While a reasonable person would use bottom up justification, by first analyzing the facts, then drawing a conclusion.
- Same sex couples pay the same taxes as everyone else, but get minimal marriage benefits at best.
- Marriage as a concept has changed drastically over time.
- The Constitution guarantees Equal Protections (Also, something called "Pursuit of Happiness", who'da thunk?)
- By making same sex couples on equal level are hetero couples, nobody is realistically put in danger and their marriages still hold the same value in both law and love.
etc. etc.
THEREFORE: Same Sex Marriage Should Be Legalized.
Logic. Pure. Simple. Ta-Da!
We can keep looking at the logical blunders of the National Organization for Marriage, like how they consider people who don't believe in same sex marriage to be the "victims", rather than the people who couldn't be openly gay for years because of the oppressiveness of the society run by the same kind of people who are against same sex marriage. Or we can laugh about how they thought Colbert was sponsoring them when he was quite obviously mocking them. But frankly, I think it's silly to even argue with this kind of logic, especially arguing against a website that won't be responding to me. However if anyone would like to have a debate with me about this, I would be open for it, provided you have some sort of outlet for debate other than Youtube comment pages and your parents' basement.
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But on to the real fun.
Top Five Gay Anthems That I Can't Help But Hetero-Love
Note: The Use of the Word "Gay" especially in terms of specific songs in this piece is not meant in any sort of derogatory manner. It simply means it intersects with gay culture. Also this is meant for comedy, as unfunny as it may be.
Sometimes I can't help but like songs associated with the gay community, and there's nothing wrong with that. If anyone is questioning my sexuality, so be it, I'm comfortable enough to say that I like these songs. I didn't go with some of the standards, like "Somewhere Over The Rainbow", because I wanted to chose more flamingly gay songs, also I didn't include any Madonna, Cher, or Barbara Streisand because I just don't really like them.
5. Jermaine Stewart - We Don't Have to Take Our Clothes Off
I think this song proves how strong the homophobia in social conservative ideals. If this song wasn't a gay anthem, it would be the anthem of abstinence only education. They really hate gays so much that they refuse to use gay songs that would save their dying sex ed programs, that's how much they hate gays.
4. Weather Girls - It's Raining Men
This song was actually the inspiration for this list. Such great innuendo in this song "I'm gonna go out and let myself get absolutely soaking wet"... got past me pretty easy when I first heard it. Also, this is now my favorite music video on the planet.
3. Anything By Pet Shop Boys.
I didn't realize how many of there songs are considered to be Gay Anthems. I mean I love "Always On My Mind", and never realized how gay it was. But I guess sometimes songs are so 80s you can't really tell their sexuality.
2. WHAM! - Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go
This gets here not because I like it a lot, but because I like it a little bit and it's REALLY REALLY gay. I think the only reason I don't like Wham! has always bothered me because even as a huge trivia nerd I can never remember the name of the other guy from Wham!
1. ABBA - Dancing Queen
One time I was in my car and this song came on the radio. Something snapped in me and I was unable to turn it off. Goddamnit this song is so catchy. Oh yeah, and it's also one of the biggest gay anthems of all time. Can't help but love it.
May the world accept all love, and all peace(yeah, in honor of MJ I'm ending this blog how he would)
Change the World!
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