March 17, 2010

Zach Picks His March Madness Bracket: West Edition

So it was explained to me yesterday what a Hoya is, and I was mocked for picking them to lose. I still don't trust them or their stupid name, they're going down.

Now, let's see how The West Bracket goes!

Syracuse vs. Vermont
As much as I want to see Vermont win something, they won't unless there's a March Madness bracket for "Skiing while smoking a joint and eating Ben and Jerry's with maple syrup". They'll be a 1 seed if they do. Yes thats all the things I know about Vermont.

Gonzaga vs. Florida St.
Gonzaga has an element of surprise since nobody really knows where the hell that school is (Washington somewhere?). Florida State gives away that they'll be coming from the south. Yes, this is how I think Basketball works.

Butler vs. UTEP
Butler has a stupid name, and UTEP used to be called "The Texas School of Mining and Metallurgy", which is so awesome. But, do you know who attended Butler? Kurt Vonnegut. Can't beat that.
PREDICTION: Kurt Vonnegut... I mean Butler.

Vanderbilt vs. Murray St.
Gotta go with the "Robber Baron" rule here, and go for Vanderbilt. I don't trust a school named Murray anyway.
PREDICTION: Vanderbilt

Xavier vs. Minnesota
Xavier's mascot is D'artagnan, which is a sweet literary reference. Minnesota's mascot is Goldy Gopher, who got kicked out of the Chuck E. Cheese band because of his drug problem.

Pittsburgh vs. Oakland
Well, I don't realy want to live in either of these places. But I was decided when I looked at the logo for University of Oakland, which makes it look like its an online university

I don't think being able to play basketball in your pajamas is going to help them win.
PREDICTION: Pittsburgh

BYU vs. Florida
While I'm sure BYU has the advantage because they have no chance of being hungover before the game, the book of Mormon talks about the evils of dark skinned people, so I'm not liking the odds of a team made up of white guys. I don't know if there are any black players on the BYU team, but if there are they're going against the book of Mormon, so are they REALLY winning either way?

Kansas State vs. North Texas
Kansas State's motto is "Rule by obeying nature's laws", which is good for a basketball team, because they need to follow gravity and such to get points. University of Northern Texas's motto is "Only the educated are free", which doesn't work for a basketball team. Unless they change it to "Only the educated are free, or at least they could fake it to keep the NCAA of their ass so they can play the bench for a few years in the NBA." That's my guess as to the more realistic version for UNT basketball players.
PREDICTION: Kansas State

Round 2
Syracuse vs. Gonzaga
I decided to check the wikipedia pages for reasons to pick either one. I looked at Syracuse for a little while, they're pretty interesting. I looked at the Gonzaga page and it lead me to the page for the re-make of Red Dawn. Damn you Gonzagas wikipedia page.
(also, ten bucks to anyone who can figure out how I got from Gonzaga to that page.)

Butler vs. Vanderbilt
Vanderbilt probably had a lot of butlers, I'm sure he beat them more than they beat him.
PREDICTION: Vanderbilt

Xavier vs. Pittsburgh
Xavier has John Boehner as a notable alumni. I don't know who Pittsburgh has, because it's a separate page than the school's main page, and I know that if I click off the page I'll be clicking around for longer than necessary. But I know whoever it is, it's better than John Boehner.
PREDICTION: Pittsburgh

Florida vs. Kansas St.
Kansas St. is called the Wildcats, which is pretty generic naming material for a mascot. Florida is called the Gators, which is awesome at first, until you realize they are in Florida, so that would be like a northeast school's mascot being Squirrels, as both are generic for their region and you're only going to pay attention to them when they're trying to eat your child. So somehow Wildcats was the more original name here.

Sweet Sixteen
Syracuse vs. Vanderbilt
Syracuse are the Orangemen, which is kind of stupid. But Vanderbilt is the Commodores, which is kind of a lie, because I don't think they'd allow Lionel Richie to attend their university.

Pittsburgh vs. Kansas St.
Pittsburgh has it pretty easy getting this far, it's not hard to beat Oakland and awful Republican Senators, but I think that's soften them and tried to make me forget that they ARE in fact still from Pittsburgh. Sorry, but this far no further.

Elite Eight
Syracuse vs. Kansas St.
Syracuse is probably my best shot for a Northeast champion, so I'm going to bring them as far as I can. Besides, if I let Kansas St. win, then half of my final four will be Kansas. Yawn.

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