Holiday music tends to be pretty lame, but when most of the commercialism of a holiday is the sale of things that are red, white, blue, and/or explosive, there’s a lot of vagueness as to what songs can be associated with the holiday. So I’ve created a perfect playlist for the Fourth Of July, full of songs about American, have the word America in the title, or are in some vague way related to America.
1. The Star Spangled Banner
Sure, the Star Spangled Banner isn’t a particularly good song, but what’s more patriotic than the song that 90% you hear it means The Baseball Game is About to Start?
There’s many versions of it, but by far my favorite is R. Kelly’s masterful rendition, because, as an American Idol judge would say, he makes it his own.
2. America the Beautiful
Keeping with the trend of black musicians making better songs probably written by racists, I’m picking the Ray Charles version. Because there’s nothing funnier than a blind guy talking about how purple the mountains majesty is (are?).
3. American Girl
Supposedly this song is about a girl jumping from a balcony to kill herself. Petty claims this isn’t true, but that didn’t stop the failure of the Sally Suicide American Girl doll. But in all seriousness, this song just sounds like Americana, and it has American in the name.
4. Kids in America
One time this was playing in a supermarket in the Netherlands. That’s the only good story I have about this song, but its about the Kids in America, who are apparently just one girl named Kim Wilde.
5. Young Americans
More than anything, this is me just putting David Bowie in every aspect of my life. Like the last one, this one is also about the American youth. Except this one is by a British guy and asks the important questions all Americans ask, like “Ain’t there a woman I can sock on the jaw?” In America, the streets are paved with gold there’s a woman for us all to sock on the jaw behind a white picket fence. Apple Pie.
6. Feel like I’m fixing to die
I had to include at least one great 60s protest song, so I went with one of the more vicious ones, to real expose some realities of the US. Because nobody wants a totally jingoistic playlist.
7. Battle Hymn of the Republic
From the 1960s to the 1860s, here’s another song associated with a war. It’s also kind of fun to sing, especially the part where God has a sword, and is apparently fighting for America. No wonder the civil war was a war of attrition.
8. America is my Home
James Brown brings us together with this one, black and white, and he kind of just makes you feel like an asshole for criticizing America. After all, America is James Browns home, and he’s awesome. It's not on Youtube for some reason. Youtube must hate America.
9.Wild America
To tell you the truth, I don’t know what to say about this song, but its by Iggy Pop and its got America in the name, which I guess is pretty wild. Also, it contains parts of "America" by Allen Ginsberg, which may be the best poem ever.
10. Either “Peaches” or “Lump”
Neither song is really about America, but they are both by The Presidents of the United States of America so it’s close enough, because there’s no way that Horse With No Name nor Sister Golden Hair was making the list.
11.We’re an American Band
Grand Funk Railroad shows what being an American is really about, and it mostly consists of coming to peoples towns and helping them party down. Some sweet cowbell in there as well.
12.God Bless the USA
Hopefully, by this time you’ll have put back enough beers to ignore the sappy and corniness of this song. All I know is if I was having a Fourth of July party, I’d be drunk, and if I was drunk I’d probably enjoy singing this song like a total asshole. So here’s to you Lee Greenwood, and how you’re proud to be an American. I’m not going to post the link to this song, because I’m sober, so instead I’ll post David Cross ranting about it. But I seriously recommend giving this corny fake patriotism a listen, take note when he says “From Detroit down to Houston…” and wonder why anyone who loves their country would pick such shitty parts of it to put in a song.
13. America
It may be that my smarmy sarcasm is at its end, but I have nothing clever to say about this song, other than it’s amazing, and in my opinion is the most accurate depiction of the American dream on this whole list.
14. This Land is your Land
In terms of overtly patriotic songs, this is probably the least-douchey, that is to say its not douchey at all. Also, I went with the Bruce Springsteen version, because I left Born in the USA off this list.
HIDDEN TRACK:
Because... why not? I couldn't resist.
So what do you think? Did I miss any important ones? Tell me.
July 2, 2010
June 12, 2010
World Cup Predictions Part 2
So there were two ties yesterday, which can hardly tell me how right or wrong I was with my picks, but Greece got beat 2-0 to South Korea yesterday, which I'm gonna go ahead and say proves me to be right. Also, Argentina is winning right now, so I may have got Group B right entirely.
Also, I'm tired of alternating between calling it football and soccer, so I'm going to stick to futbol, because I like compromising.
Group E
Netherlands
Denmark
Japan
Cameroon
Seeing as I lived there for a semester and I saw the futbol team beat the Americans, I have to root for my second home, the Netherlands. Also, I heard somewhere that they are going to be good, so I'm excited for that.
Denmark has a long standing tradition of Lego futbol games, so they may have some practice but they may get tired of trying to build the team halfway through and just switch to making a rocket ship or something.
Japan and Cameroon can't win because I've already picked token representation from Africa and Asia, so that's that. Call me racist (or continentist), but South Americans and Europeans are the best at futbol. Asia and Africa still beat the rest of the world in math and..erm... having diamonds?
However, upon like ten minutes of research I find that Cameroon is actually pretty good. So yeah, they can beat Denmark, who are probably too anarchist to care about futbol.
Projected Group Rank
Netherlands
Cameroon
Denmark
Japan
Group F
Italy
Paraguay
New Zealand
Slovakia
Italy wins this group. I don't think that requires explaining
Paraguay will also make it to the next round avenging the loss of their sister Uruguay. Can countries be sisters just because they have the same ending? I just assume all the -stans and -lands are.
New Zealand doesn't have much of a chance, I'm pretty sure their team is made up entirely of sheep and Lord of the Rings extras.
Slovakia should just be glad that they got here and the Czech Republic didn't. At least they know they got the good soccer players in the divorce settlement.
Projected Group Rank
Italy
Paraguay
Slovakia
New Zealand
Group G
Brazil
North Korea
Ivory Coast
Portugal
Brazil is the Italy of South America. A team that I can always expect to do really really well.
I wasn't aware that North Koreans were allowed to compete in the world cup. I mean, maybe they qualified, but isn't there a nicer country that we could allow in? I expected them to be dicks and not come in last.
Ivory Coast is a team that seems like they could use a win. But I expect them to not even be able to beat North Korea, because the world is spiteful like that.
Portugal has got to take the second spot here, simply because they are Brazil-like of all the other teams. Basically, whether or not you will win in the world cup is dependent on how Brazil-like you are.
Projected Group Rank:
Brazil
Portugal
North Korea
Ivory Coast
Group H:
Spain
Switzerland
Honduras
Chile
Okay, its the last group for today, so let me keep this brief.
Spain is good.
Switzerland is neutral.
Honduras is poor.
Chile is South American.
You can probably figure out that rank on your own.
Be back next time and I might talk about the knockout round.
Also, I'm tired of alternating between calling it football and soccer, so I'm going to stick to futbol, because I like compromising.
Group E
Netherlands
Denmark
Japan
Cameroon
Seeing as I lived there for a semester and I saw the futbol team beat the Americans, I have to root for my second home, the Netherlands. Also, I heard somewhere that they are going to be good, so I'm excited for that.
Denmark has a long standing tradition of Lego futbol games, so they may have some practice but they may get tired of trying to build the team halfway through and just switch to making a rocket ship or something.
Japan and Cameroon can't win because I've already picked token representation from Africa and Asia, so that's that. Call me racist (or continentist), but South Americans and Europeans are the best at futbol. Asia and Africa still beat the rest of the world in math and..erm... having diamonds?
However, upon like ten minutes of research I find that Cameroon is actually pretty good. So yeah, they can beat Denmark, who are probably too anarchist to care about futbol.
Projected Group Rank
Netherlands
Cameroon
Denmark
Japan
Group F
Italy
Paraguay
New Zealand
Slovakia
Italy wins this group. I don't think that requires explaining
Paraguay will also make it to the next round avenging the loss of their sister Uruguay. Can countries be sisters just because they have the same ending? I just assume all the -stans and -lands are.
New Zealand doesn't have much of a chance, I'm pretty sure their team is made up entirely of sheep and Lord of the Rings extras.
Slovakia should just be glad that they got here and the Czech Republic didn't. At least they know they got the good soccer players in the divorce settlement.
Projected Group Rank
Italy
Paraguay
Slovakia
New Zealand
Group G
Brazil
North Korea
Ivory Coast
Portugal
Brazil is the Italy of South America. A team that I can always expect to do really really well.
I wasn't aware that North Koreans were allowed to compete in the world cup. I mean, maybe they qualified, but isn't there a nicer country that we could allow in? I expected them to be dicks and not come in last.
Ivory Coast is a team that seems like they could use a win. But I expect them to not even be able to beat North Korea, because the world is spiteful like that.
Portugal has got to take the second spot here, simply because they are Brazil-like of all the other teams. Basically, whether or not you will win in the world cup is dependent on how Brazil-like you are.
Projected Group Rank:
Brazil
Portugal
North Korea
Ivory Coast
Group H:
Spain
Switzerland
Honduras
Chile
Okay, its the last group for today, so let me keep this brief.
Spain is good.
Switzerland is neutral.
Honduras is poor.
Chile is South American.
You can probably figure out that rank on your own.
Be back next time and I might talk about the knockout round.
June 11, 2010
World Cup Predictions by someone who doesn't fully understand the offsides rule. (Part 1)
Before I start, I'd like to recommend a fantastic and far more serious sports blog by Mikey Krenek on the retirement of Ken Griffey Jr. Now, on to my nonsense.
As you may or may not know, there's this sport that people all over the world love to play called football, but not like our beloved American sport, this game actually involves use of feet. I think. From what I remember from last time, it might just be a headbutting competition.
So this time around they're doing the whole thing in South Africa, which is just taunting to European teams because it is winter right now down there and they have weather for playing summer sports.
I figured since its the one time every year that Americans pretend to care about soccer, as we call it for reasons nobody really ever explains, I should give my predictions for who will win the World Cup.
Lets start with GROUP A.
Mexico
South Africa
Uruguay
France
Mexico is probably a really good team. I have a Mexican roommate, and while I have never asked him whether or not he's a good soccer player, because it's really never come up and it would probably be racist to just ask out of the blue, he probably is.
Even though they tied the first game with South Africa, they're still probably better. South Africa would need the inspiration of Nelson Mandela and Morgan Freeman playing Nelson Mandela at the same time to have a real chance. I mean they have home field advantage throughout the cup, but that's just more reason for them to disappoint. It's like how I know the Dolphins aren't going to win the Superbowl most years because it seems like its hosted in Miami every other year.
Uruguay is really the wild card here, by which I don't really know more about them than the fact that you can almost pronounce their name "You're A Gay". I'll assume that if they were really any good at soccer I would know it, like I do about Brazil and Argentina. So I'm just going to assume they're not very good.
Which brings me to France, who came in second last time, which is pretty good, even if it was four years ago and their starting headbutter has retired (how many headbutt jokes are allowed? I'll stop now). Still, I'm thinking France gets out of the first round.
Predicted Group Rank:
Mexico
France
South Africa
Uruguay
Group B
Argentina
Nigeria
South Korea
Greece
Argentina makes round two, no doubt in my mind. But even if they don't, I won't cry for them. (this concludes all of the jokes I can make about Argentina)
Nigeria is a country I can't trust to win. There's always a possibility that a couple of the starters could leave the team halfway through the Cup to be a part of the re-seceded Biafran team.
South Korea is my pick to be the Asian representation in the knockout round. They just have to convince their players and fans that the world cup is just a new expansion level of Starcraft.
And I'm picking Greece to be the 08-09 Detroit Lions of this World Cup. A team that could help their fans forget about the hardships of where they live due to drastic economic downturns, but will instead fail and make those pains all the more real.
Predicted Group Rank:
Argentina
South Korea
Nigeria
Greece
Group C
England
United States
Algeria
Slovenia
You know how the World Cup is supposed to unify the world? Well then what the hell is England doing without the rest of the United Kingdom? Come on, its not like any Welsh were going to make the team anyway. It's basically going to be the same team but they're just not playing under the Union Jack. And seeing the Union Jack is pretty much the coolest flag ever, they'll have no chance playing under a lesser flag. Then again, Mozambique has a gun on their flag and they didn't even make it to the world cup. So yes, I'm going to pick England to lose because I don't like their flag choice.
USA USA USA! We're going to make it! Because frankly, if the US isn't predicted to have a chance, nobody in America is going to watch it. So I'm doing the sponsors a favor with my predictions, and I expect a paycheck for it.
Algeria is going to be my second pick to make the next round, simply because I know where it is, unlike Slovenia which I can identify as "somewhere in the former Yugoslavia".
Predicted Group Rank:
USA USA! GO AMERICA! HOT DOGS AND GUNS!
Algeria
England
Slovenia
Group D
Germany
Australia
Serbia
Ghana
I had a tour guide when I was in Berlin who said Germany's second favorite sport was football, second only to invading Poland. Well since Poland isn't here we can assume they will settle for doing well in the world cup.
Maybe Germany will be like most Americans and confuse Australia with Austria and invade them. Either way, I don't see Australia having much of a chance. I see Australia's interest in soccer as probably being like Americans, other countries have been interested in this for hundreds of years before us, so we kind of just made up our own sports.
Serbia is another "somewhere in former Yugoslavia" team, so I have to give them the same treatment as Slovenia. My apologies to Donja, the only Serb I know.
Ghana is my pick to be my South Korea of Africa. If that made any sense to you, I'm sure you're already saying "But what about Algeria?" Algeria isn't going to actually win, I just picked them over England because I'm an asshole.
Predicted Group Rank:
Germany
Ghana
Serbia
Australia
As you may or may not know, there's this sport that people all over the world love to play called football, but not like our beloved American sport, this game actually involves use of feet. I think. From what I remember from last time, it might just be a headbutting competition.
So this time around they're doing the whole thing in South Africa, which is just taunting to European teams because it is winter right now down there and they have weather for playing summer sports.
I figured since its the one time every year that Americans pretend to care about soccer, as we call it for reasons nobody really ever explains, I should give my predictions for who will win the World Cup.
Lets start with GROUP A.
Mexico
South Africa
Uruguay
France
Mexico is probably a really good team. I have a Mexican roommate, and while I have never asked him whether or not he's a good soccer player, because it's really never come up and it would probably be racist to just ask out of the blue, he probably is.
Even though they tied the first game with South Africa, they're still probably better. South Africa would need the inspiration of Nelson Mandela and Morgan Freeman playing Nelson Mandela at the same time to have a real chance. I mean they have home field advantage throughout the cup, but that's just more reason for them to disappoint. It's like how I know the Dolphins aren't going to win the Superbowl most years because it seems like its hosted in Miami every other year.
Uruguay is really the wild card here, by which I don't really know more about them than the fact that you can almost pronounce their name "You're A Gay". I'll assume that if they were really any good at soccer I would know it, like I do about Brazil and Argentina. So I'm just going to assume they're not very good.
Which brings me to France, who came in second last time, which is pretty good, even if it was four years ago and their starting headbutter has retired (how many headbutt jokes are allowed? I'll stop now). Still, I'm thinking France gets out of the first round.
Predicted Group Rank:
Mexico
France
South Africa
Uruguay
Group B
Argentina
Nigeria
South Korea
Greece
Argentina makes round two, no doubt in my mind. But even if they don't, I won't cry for them. (this concludes all of the jokes I can make about Argentina)
Nigeria is a country I can't trust to win. There's always a possibility that a couple of the starters could leave the team halfway through the Cup to be a part of the re-seceded Biafran team.
South Korea is my pick to be the Asian representation in the knockout round. They just have to convince their players and fans that the world cup is just a new expansion level of Starcraft.
And I'm picking Greece to be the 08-09 Detroit Lions of this World Cup. A team that could help their fans forget about the hardships of where they live due to drastic economic downturns, but will instead fail and make those pains all the more real.
Predicted Group Rank:
Argentina
South Korea
Nigeria
Greece
Group C
England
United States
Algeria
Slovenia
You know how the World Cup is supposed to unify the world? Well then what the hell is England doing without the rest of the United Kingdom? Come on, its not like any Welsh were going to make the team anyway. It's basically going to be the same team but they're just not playing under the Union Jack. And seeing the Union Jack is pretty much the coolest flag ever, they'll have no chance playing under a lesser flag. Then again, Mozambique has a gun on their flag and they didn't even make it to the world cup. So yes, I'm going to pick England to lose because I don't like their flag choice.
USA USA USA! We're going to make it! Because frankly, if the US isn't predicted to have a chance, nobody in America is going to watch it. So I'm doing the sponsors a favor with my predictions, and I expect a paycheck for it.
Algeria is going to be my second pick to make the next round, simply because I know where it is, unlike Slovenia which I can identify as "somewhere in the former Yugoslavia".
Predicted Group Rank:
USA USA! GO AMERICA! HOT DOGS AND GUNS!
Algeria
England
Slovenia
Group D
Germany
Australia
Serbia
Ghana
I had a tour guide when I was in Berlin who said Germany's second favorite sport was football, second only to invading Poland. Well since Poland isn't here we can assume they will settle for doing well in the world cup.
Maybe Germany will be like most Americans and confuse Australia with Austria and invade them. Either way, I don't see Australia having much of a chance. I see Australia's interest in soccer as probably being like Americans, other countries have been interested in this for hundreds of years before us, so we kind of just made up our own sports.
Serbia is another "somewhere in former Yugoslavia" team, so I have to give them the same treatment as Slovenia. My apologies to Donja, the only Serb I know.
Ghana is my pick to be my South Korea of Africa. If that made any sense to you, I'm sure you're already saying "But what about Algeria?" Algeria isn't going to actually win, I just picked them over England because I'm an asshole.
Predicted Group Rank:
Germany
Ghana
Serbia
Australia
May 24, 2010
Shanghai!
Happy Monday, all!
I love to travel and often have bouts of wanderlust, but to be honest, I've never really felt a connection to Eastern Asia. I don't know why. Maybe I have misconceptions about the area, or don't really know much about what to do there. I know some people who are very into Chinese/Japanese/Korean culture who could probably give me some tips about what's cool to see and do there.
This is another video from fashion blogger/photographer Garance Dore who visited Shanghai recently and she makes it look absolutely enchanting.
Other things I learned from this video:
1) John Gallino is one of those fashion people who is a crazy genius (like Karl). I would love to meet him one day.
2) Models read Oscar Wilde while sitting in make-up!
3) I would love to learn how to edit videos like this one! She always have to best videos. Can any readers help me out?
-Kimya
I love to travel and often have bouts of wanderlust, but to be honest, I've never really felt a connection to Eastern Asia. I don't know why. Maybe I have misconceptions about the area, or don't really know much about what to do there. I know some people who are very into Chinese/Japanese/Korean culture who could probably give me some tips about what's cool to see and do there.
This is another video from fashion blogger/photographer Garance Dore who visited Shanghai recently and she makes it look absolutely enchanting.
Other things I learned from this video:
1) John Gallino is one of those fashion people who is a crazy genius (like Karl). I would love to meet him one day.
2) Models read Oscar Wilde while sitting in make-up!
3) I would love to learn how to edit videos like this one! She always have to best videos. Can any readers help me out?
-Kimya
May 19, 2010
Vintage: I don't think I'm doing it right.
This is a really interesting video from style.com.
I'm not totally sold on vintage. I mean it looks great on skinny, rich people, but does it really work for anyone who doesn't fit into those categories. I mean that vintage YSL safari trenchcoat is to die for, but it's probably a size 2 and hundreds of dollars.
I think that there is a fake sense of accessibility when it comes to vintage clothing. You have to really work hard to find something halfway decent (or conversely be able to look good in everything) because a lot of the crap is TACKY. And looks very aged. Great vintage should be pretty timeless or have some cute kitsch to it. I've never been successful at vintage shopping. Am I doing it wrong? Is there a place I MUST visit that is both reasonably priced and carries larger sizes?
Let me know, because these looks the gals are wearing in the video are awfully tempting.
-Kimya
May 18, 2010
Why Don't You Love Me?
This video blows my mind. I've probably watched in 5 or 6 times which is impressive for me, because I'm not a huge fan of music videos, but this is so visually stimulating. I love the style of the '50s and early '60s and this video has it all from the martini to the cat-eye glasses.
Here is an interesting article from Jezebel about how style and gender roles play a part in the video.
Here is the video!
And here is how you can get Bey's video look for your self!
-Kimya
Here is an interesting article from Jezebel about how style and gender roles play a part in the video.
Here is the video!
"Why Don't You Love Me" - Beyoncé from Beyoncé on Vimeo.
And here is how you can get Bey's video look for your self!
-Kimya
May 12, 2010
Style Crush: Clemence Poesy
Hey everyone!
As you may know, I am completely intrigued by French women. They seem so effortless in their style and the way they live their lives, one of the girls that completely intrigues me is model and actress Clemence Poesy (from the Chloe ad in my last post.) Part of style is that it has to look simple and with little thought, looking good should just seem like a natural extension of yourself because that makes it believable and I think Clemence really embodies that.
Here's how I would style myself like Clemence for running errands on a warm summer day:
-Kimya
As you may know, I am completely intrigued by French women. They seem so effortless in their style and the way they live their lives, one of the girls that completely intrigues me is model and actress Clemence Poesy (from the Chloe ad in my last post.) Part of style is that it has to look simple and with little thought, looking good should just seem like a natural extension of yourself because that makes it believable and I think Clemence really embodies that.
Here's how I would style myself like Clemence for running errands on a warm summer day:
-Kimya
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