February 1, 2010

The Grammys Suck. (reasons cited)

1. Taylor Swift won best album.
I'm tired of people treating her like a legitimate artist. Her lyrics sound like they were written by a teenage girl, because that's what she is. I'm not going to let her off the hook because she writes her own songs if she can't write a damn song. (In "You Belong With Me" she rhymes "that" with "that. There's like 10000 other words you could rhyme with that. Not quality song writing.) Somewhere along the lines someone forgot that popularity doesn't mean that they've got legitimacy. I'm not going to pretend like there's no good pop, in fact there's a lot, but you've got to pick it out correctly.

2. Lady Gaga won... something.
I've already ranted about this, it's banal faux-avant garde and its rather silly that we're paying as much attention to her as we do. I'm actually not mad that she won best dance album, you could make a very good case for that. Actually I'm not really mad that she won anything that she did, I just talk about how much I hate her some more.

3. "Here Comes Science" receiving 0 Nominations/Wins
I've grown to accept that most of my favorite bands won't be recognized by the Grammys. But when They Might Be Giants put out a childrens album I damn well expect it to win, because its usually the only one of I've heard of. But alas, they were not even nominated. Instead there was Ziggy Marley, who won, and Jonathan Sprout who, after a quick Google check, I've confirmed as that douche with a guitar who used to come to my Elementary school and sing us songs about American History figures. (I still can remember him singing "SACAJAWEA! INDIAN GIRL! YOUNG AND SMART AND BRAAAAAVE" as well as "Washington's Hat! Imagine that!", keep in mind its impossible for me to remember important things though)

4. Jay Z getting no major nominations
This was a pretty serious miss. Blueprint 3 was really good. I probably would have subbed out ANY of the Record, Song, or Album nominations for Jay Z. Except Beyonce. Nobody beats Beyonce.

5. The whole system is awfully inconsistent.
Things that suck but are popular get nominated all the time. Things by great artists but are completely unpopular, e.g. whatever Bruce Springsteen and Bob Dylan are doing nowadays, get nominated all the time. It's like they consistently show bias in there nominating, but with no real trends to a direction. It's almost like every nomination gets on there based on politics.

I can only do a few more of these, it makes my head hurt.

6. Best New Artist is... well Best New Artist.
As you can see, they don't have a good track record on picking who's going to become famous. Remember A Taste of Honey? Me neither, but they beat The Cars, Elvis Costello, and Toto out for best new artist in 1979. So when they didn't give this award to MGMT or the Ting Tings, the two bands on the nomination list I could see the award going to, I wasn't surprised.

At the same time though, Zac Brown Band,(who I haven't listened to, but everything I can infer about a band with a hit song called "Chicken Fried" tells me not to) have been together since 2000, had their first album come out in 2004. This is true of quite a few artists So they could subtitle the category Best Artists We're Not Cool Enough To Know Existed Up Until This Year. But there first "hit" was in 2008, so its been more than a year or so since they came out on the scene. Don't ask me what the hell they use to judge that category.

7. Speaking of which, there were songs on there that were from waaaay back.
For some reason Hot N Cold by Katy Perry was nominated, which was very 2008. Also the Live version of "What I've Done" by Linkin Park was nominated for an award, and the live version of "Sara Smile" by Hall and Oates. Nothing about any of it makes a bit of sense. How good could a live version be to deserve a brand new nomination? My guess: not that good.

8. "Nelson Mandela's Favorite African Folktales" gets snubbed for Best Children's Spoken Word
Featuring A Story Read By Samuel L. Jackson himself! How could this not be the best thing ever? At the very least "The Phantom Tollbooth" read by David Hyde Pierce should have won this category. I never know what these people are thinking.

My head hurts, I'm stopping at 8.


  1. Thanks for giving our audiobook a shout out! and making us laugh.

  2. I was there and as far as we were concerned the show was over after Pink flew around spinning and singing, and then got WET and kept singing, while wearing nothing but bandaids and gauze. and it was kind of a good song. and that was after Beyonce whipped the stage with her hair while riot police danced around her. and that was a great song. Forget about it, show's over. Next year Lady Gaga's going to try and set her trapeze piano on fire and hang upside down also on fire.. I'm saying, someone's going to hurt. And then Taylor Swift's nine year old sister will win everything. by the way, Mandela's Favorite African Folk Tales lost to a guy named Buck Howdy...buckhowdy..whatthafaa..?.

  3. HOW DARE YOU BASH GAGITA, SHE IS MY LOVE. Other than that, IA completely. And Pearl Jam was fucking ROBBED.