July 15, 2009

(Pretend That It's) Tuesday Top 5: Hypothetical Movies Based On Websites

Well, as you may or may not know, today is not Tuesday. So for those of you who didn’t know, you may be late to something. But forgive me, for I wrote this yesterday and had no chance to publish it, I was busy being in NYC, which was cool if you care.

Something interesting I recently discovered was the plan for the Facebook Movie. This upset me because I always wanted to write a screenplay about a Facebook-esque website that became self sustained and began to be a prophet of people’s lives, updating statuses before the events happen. Though it was a long shot I would ever finish a script, and the plot was far too absurd, I kind of feel like someone is ruining my bad idea.

And yet, I move on, for there are plenty more awful scripts to made, and I won’t even have to leave the genre of movies-based-on-internet-websites (not a real genre yet, but just you wait). So if the Facebook movie is taken, I’ve got some other ideas.

My Top 5 Ideas for Movies Based on Websites

5. Youtube
From the guys who created Disaster Movie, Epic Movie, Date Movie, etc. who should have stopped making movies before they started. Let’s face it: Youtube doesn’t have a plot, is 99% unfunny, and is often full of other people’s jokes and ideas, the fit is perfect. Also, something tells me that there’s a correlation between people who like those movies and people who post comments on Youtube videos.

4. F.M.L.
A Crash-esque film about people’s lives sucking and how their sucky stories all interconnect. . Also, I’m thinking about getting Michael Bay to direct, that way all the stories of life sucking will just be about explosions. You know what? Let’s just take explosion clips from other Michael Bay movies and throw in a person saying “F*** My Life!”(censored so it can be PG-13) Yeah…

3. Livejournal
A Psychological Thriller - Tim Burton rubs his body all over a filmstrip and the LJ community goes crazy. He then tells them he's not going to release it and then they cry and/or cut themselves. He films this.

2. Myspace
In the future, social networks have become giant self-sustained metropolises. One of the cities, Myspace, has been evacuated almost entirely for the much cooler city of Facebook, leaving behind spambots, viruses, and all the really weird people. This is the story of four pedophiles (Willem Defoe, Christopher Walken, John Voight and Steve Buscemi) trying to flee from the zombie spambot infestation that has taken over their former haven.

1. Craigslist
Two roommates, both named Craig, are down their luck so they search their name into Google. They find the website Craigslist, which they have some how never heard of. After a while of searching around, the first Craig(Matthew McConaughey) keeps thinking he has a missed connection and goes on a frantic search to find the girl, meanwhile his friend, the second Craig (Nicholas Cage) realizes there's secret messages being sent through Craigslist ads that predict the future. This movie will make a lot of money, trust me.

Also, for those who want to make one of my movies, (At this point, I can only assume you've agreed on which one to make, Ethan and Joel) I just want some credit.

Also, if you'd like to make a movie about Zach and Kimya, I know you'll want to pick some pretty young Zac Efron looking guy to play me. I'm flattered, but go with Kenneth Branagh. I'd rather give my character some depth than be reminded of my handsomenss. I don't know who Kimya wants to play her, but you can ask.

"Kimya... We should start a blog!" - Kenneth Branagh as Zach Jones

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